| i havent blogged.. in a very long while.
maybe ive been on the old skool hip hop tip because im trying to avoid the sad or sappy slow jams. but ive fallen back into it and here i am, to blog about love; or something relevant to it.
maybe this will make me feel a little better...
whether love exists or not, majority of the world believes in it. and when it exists in your life, it is the GREATEST feeling ever existed... and when it doesnt exist in your life, you hate it and put all your anger towards it. When it doesnt work out for say, a person like me, you begin to hate it, think its not fair, think love is nothing but a word thrown around, that its not real... love is never real. Thats what you think, believe when its just not working out for you. But when you feel that love, when its there and you have it right in your presence, Love is just so... untouchably perfect, and so... amazing, real, undescribable and you think youll never fall out of it. it hurts... it hurts when you see someone drop everything they have to just be in love, because youre holding your breath in hopes that theyll never fall too hard in love that they hurt themselves. i do that ALL the time... i fall in love, and fall out right away... no breaks, no stopping... just all falling. and im so hurt and there isnt a person out there to just help me up and tell me that itll be okay... yeah, its okay to be alone, no, i dont need anyone... but thats not what i want. i want to have someone to fight with, someone to hold me, someone i could take care of, to be sappy with... i want to be happy even if it hurts, i want to have another person there to just kiss me and love me back... im tired of wiping my own tears, im tired of feeling so frustrated all alone. im tired of feeling like love is what i need... maybe it is, maybe it isnt... but still... im full of affection, appreciation and understanding that i cant even share with someone.. its so painful to hold in. Love does make the world go 'round. or at least really makes the ride worth while.
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| i have to watch my pee for the next week... i have to drink water at certain times of the day... and measure it before i drink... and i cant drink anything other than coffee and water... i have to carry 2 measuring cups around... one to pee in and one to measure my drinks in. ... bios fun fun fun.... |
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| any man who would take me to a spoken word cafe, comedy club, poetry night or jazz festival... (or to an india arie concert) then come with me to an argos game and get 2 dollar hot dogs with me on the corner of a toronto street can have my heart forever. |
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